Being Diagnosed with Autism as an Adult Woman

"She's a pleasure to have in class but needs to speak up more"

"She has great ideas but is so reserved, she should try to communicate better and be more confident"

I've spent my whole life hearing sentences like those from others around me - in school, at work, and sometimes at home.

Up until a couple of years ago, I thought that it was just social anxiety. I've always recognised that I felt, thought and acted differently than those around me, but only recently had confirmation of why that is.

Last year, during an appointment with my therapist, she suddenly paused our conversation as she wanted to ask me a few questions -

"Have you always found social situations difficult?"
"Do you struggle with eye contact?"
"Do you need routine and like things to be done a certain way?"

After answering those and a few further questions, she stated:  "I believe you could be on the spectrum". Maybe, finally, I could have an answer as to why I've spent my life always feeling out of place.

Those few words sparked almost a year of research, self-reflection, and countless unproductive appointments with my GP and mental health practitioner.

Don't waste years of your time.  
Pay the money and go private.

Mental health has been the reason for many visits to my GP. I've previously been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, for which I was prescribed antidepressants that had very little useful effect, so much so that I stopped taking them.

I was also referred to Talking Therapies, whose advice and support could be summarised as: "have a cup of tea and take a bath and it'll make you feel better". This quickly made me realise that route was not a good use of my time.

Determined to get support through the NHS, I started seeing the GP's mental health practitioner every week or so, to talk about how I was feeling and to try to find a treatment plan that works for me.

That mindset came to a swift end one day, after an extremely invalidating and frustrating interaction. I let him know that I believed I was autistic and that I would like a referral for an assessment.

There was a very vague and generic questionnaire that I had to complete before we could talk about it further, and when the results were just a couple of points away from meeting the criteria, I was told that I couldn't move forward.

To cut a very frustrating story short, there were 2 things that he said to me during that appointment which were huge red flags.
The following statements are what ultimately led to me deciding that I no longer believed in the care that the NHS or my GP could provide to me:

1. "Well, isn't everyone a little bit autistic?"
2. "There aren't any differences between autistic men and autistic women"

Such ignorance and lack of knowledge or research from a person in a mental health care position was unbelievable. I understand it may not have fallen directly in line with his areas of expertise, but this lack of understanding from practitioners is exactly what causes so many women to be misdiagnosed, or not diagnosed at all.

That experience was so incredibly draining and disheartening that it took me a few months to get the courage to look at seeking help from a private practice. I can say now that I'm so glad that I did. Of course, any kind of private healthcare is going to cost you, but luckily I was able to find a great organisation who are not-for-profit and run by neurodiverse people, and I instantly had faith that my experience with them would be positive.

The process

It only took 13 days from my initial contact with SEIK Psychiatry to go through the process of the assessment and receive my diagnosis -  a tiny fraction of the time that it would take if you were to go through the NHS, where the waitlist for an assessment is at least 2 years.

The assessment was in 2 parts - firstly, an appointment with a psychologist, and then an appointment with a psychiatrist. Although it was nerve-wracking and mentally exhausting to have to talk about behaviours, thoughts and feelings with strangers who are evaluating everything you say, it was also a very validating experience and felt like a weight off of my shoulders to finally be 100% open with another human being about the way I experience life and how I see the world.

The aim is for the psychiatrist to be able to provide a diagnosis by the end of the 2nd appointment, which I did receive and it was communicated to me at the end of the session.

Although the diagnosis wasn't a shock - as I had spent almost a year researching and trying to understand more about myself and how autism presents in women - hearing the words "you definitely meet the criteria" hit me with a wave of emotion and relief.

Understanding Who I Am

In all honesty, my life so far has had no coherent narrative.

I've struggled to identify who I am as a person and I've never truly allowed myself to be authentic. I believed that being myself might make the people around me uncomfortable.

Receiving a diagnosis means that I can finally begin to really understand myself and it allows me to figure out who I am as a person, instead of just coasting through life and living in "survival mode" almost every day.

Although I'm so relieved to finally have answers on why I've had certain struggles throughout my life, it still comes with a lot of anxiety. The fear of judgement from others has always been a big stressor throughout my life. This, along with the negative connotations surrounding autism and the general misunderstanding of it from neurotypical people, will be something that I have to tackle throughout my life.

Having my diagnosis will help me to move forward with the areas of life that I struggle with. It will help me to navigate & improve my relationships.
But most importantly it will allow me to focus on myself, and on what I need and want in life to be genuinely happy.